Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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