new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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