Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
