My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
