And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
