She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize