My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you never un-have a 4some
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
