I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
