It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
