the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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