Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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