2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
