Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's blow job season.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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