No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I die, sorry about rent.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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