im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
