If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
