Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish you could order shots online.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
