I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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