Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
