when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize