Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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