She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
