i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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