I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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