I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
