On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
