i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am midnight drunk by noon
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
