I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
