I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
