Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
kristin has been a bad kristin
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
