I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
