What a fucking waste of an outfit
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
