I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
