Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i love accidental penises.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize