Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
