i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize