I think scott just propositioned me for sex
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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