You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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