I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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