OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
