is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
