People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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