she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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