I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
