I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
