OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
