u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
