I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
