when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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