everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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