Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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