oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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