It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
