1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
