God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
one might say we're banned from that church
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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