If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
