he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
