george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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