So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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