3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
