i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
