My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
