I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
