hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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