tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
