im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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