omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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