I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
