Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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