i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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