Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
