Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
