that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
