RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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